we lay in bed
you just turned four
you can reach the light switch
now, beside our door

it’s dark and quiet
not much talk at all
your tiny voice asks 
Mom, am i still small? 

so much chatter lately
and so much change
thoughts like thunderclaps
you’re feeling strange

everyone’s been saying
that you’re big now
but you don't feel big
and you don’t know how

you’re supposed to be big
but you still feel little
maybe big sometimes
sometimes in the middle   

don’t want to be called
big boy every day
because you may feel different
than the way we say

i thought to myself
all those times we’d said
you’re a big boy now!
those words in your head

the weight of that
what that must feel like
so i kissed your head
as i did each night
and i asked you then
well, what do you feel like?
      still small Mom
holding my hand tight,
      (your tiny hand that was still so small
       yet so much bigger than it had once
       been, wasn't that just moments ago?)
you’re still small my love,
yes,
of course,
	that's right.