the things i love are so small. my son's tiny hand in mine. the top of his head tucked under my chin. the coffee someone makes me. a guitar being strummed. wind rustling the trees. mangoes. stretching my body. my Dad's laugh. my Mom's Hello Honey, as she answers my call. sunlight dancing on water. being barefoot. a smile exchanged with a stranger. the things i love are so big. the mountains of northern Thailand. a whole country that both made and undid me. the lakes of Ontario. huge, holy trees. the sky at dawn. new beginnings. possibility on the horizon. this chaotic, beautiful world. Motherhood. hope. love. life.
i avoid the term
resisting labelling
insisting we’re the same
i’m just a mom, i say
just like the other moms
we bear so much alone
the ones who grow and birth
the ones who wake to nurse
i want to feel united
us moms, and not divided
we are the ones who stay
at home and play all day
who don’t drink coffee hot
or pee alone a lot
yet …
if i stop to sit
and just consider it
it’s really simple math
i’m here without a half
a set of extra hands
lunch hit the floor again
a “honey, could you get…”
dinner’s not ready yet
i need another heart
when mine’s falling apart
someone to share the blame
made a mistake again
someone to worry with
help lift the load a bit
talk a decision out
so much to think about
to share a memory
i’ll reach capacity
just hold this for one sec
i’ve got it, take a resthere sweetie need a hug?
leave that food on the stove
why don’t you take a shower
or maybe just lay down
there’s no one here to say
hey hon, great job today.
so please don’t get me wrong
you see us being strong
just like the other moms
rocking and singing songs
yes, at times, it does feel
the world is at my heels
and ‘cause it’s always been
i just shrug off that term
but yes, there’s only one
here,
that’s me
one
single mom.
mama musings 