you will prepare your coffee before bedtime.
there will be no more late-night
wine-soaked musings
chain-smoking into the mornings.
you will be in bed by ten.
curled up next to your sleeping toddler
you will know a peace 
you didn't previously
know existed.
you will merrily organize his playroom
enjoy podcasts while making cookies
you will master pancakes, rice soup 
and the art of eating while simultaneously doing five or six other things.
you will love yourself with wild abandon. 
you will love yourself with reserves you had
stored up for another, foolishly. 
you will love yourself, fully and finally.
you will be whole in this role,
understanding true self-love 
through your unconditional love for you son.
and you will laugh
thinking:
well. that's what it was all about then. 
and it was in me the whole time. ha.
you will remember, 
compassionately, 
your seeking.
your constantly seeking self. 
you will want to tell her:
peace is coming. 
peace is coming. 
peace is flowing like a river.
and it is coming for you,
Mama.